She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize