Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
