she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost the right to judge tonight
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
false alarm, still single
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
