By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
