Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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