just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
