i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
