I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
