I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
