the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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