how can u be prego again
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
