the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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