So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
