well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
