My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
