the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
