i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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