i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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