I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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