Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
