ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
