Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
