so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
