dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
