So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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