Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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