Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
