you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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