Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
