Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
