Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
