He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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