I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
