My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
