He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
