He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
