I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
