# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
