I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
