tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
