So drunk, too bad you don't want this
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
