my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
