Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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