I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
