why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There r osticjed everywhere
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
