I just threw up on my dentist
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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