Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
