So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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