Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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