her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
