Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
