guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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