i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
