I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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