HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
