We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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