They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
