Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
