I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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