I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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