I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
