the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
