No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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