saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
