remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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