im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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