im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
