i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
