So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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