I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
