You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
