Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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