the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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