Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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