you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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