Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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