Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
