That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We had sex on a dog bed..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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