we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize