there's paper in my vomit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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