I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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