im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
