im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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