there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
