Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize