Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
