I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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