Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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