No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
