I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
