she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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