i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
