Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
