Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
