I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have feelings that need drinking.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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