Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
