one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
