and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
