One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize