found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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