He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
