Me. At least after what I've been through.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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