I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
