her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize