omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
