and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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